Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
