So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
