hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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