what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
