I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
