I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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