I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
