I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
