Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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