Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
