My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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