He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
