I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
