I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
