So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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