i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
