I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
