Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
