After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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