Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
