drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
