Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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