It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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