Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
