i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
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as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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