so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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