Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
