I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
