she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
