ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish you could order shots online.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
