FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
