I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
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Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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