omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
