Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
