She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
