I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
