This is not my ceiling
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
