Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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