yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
