I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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