Hippo gnu deer
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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