My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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