It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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