I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
