So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
