omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
