I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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