Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
