How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
God, I missed his penis.
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