dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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