it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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