I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
