Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
