I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
