Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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