You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize