i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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