Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
