If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I could fuck to npr.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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