Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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