When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
