i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
