I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
