I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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