Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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