We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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