I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
