Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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