Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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