you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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