Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize