I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
