I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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