How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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