we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
