If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
