you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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