You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
