even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
