alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
