i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
