Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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